Well, as you can imagine based on the title of this, I'm going to talk about something that isn't really discussed... the virtual "elephant in the room". My topic? Weight. Specifically, women's weight. I know, its a touchy, volatile subject. Its been something that has spawned some serious emotional issues in my own life, as well as in the lives of people I have known, and those I've never met in real life but have met through the wonderful world of Facebook. This isn't going to be a "accept me as who I am" or "big is beautiful" or "real women look like" style of post. I find those to be degrading to people who are thin, and isn't that what people who are heavy hate having done to them in the first place? Anyways. There really isn't a good way to explain what this will be, except to simply create it. So here goes.
I'm a big girl. Terms that apply to that include (but are not limited to) fat, plus-size, big, overweight, hefty, chunky..... I've heard them all (and more) at least once in my lifetime. My parents tell me that I was a skinny child, but I honestly don't remember it. For all of my memorable lifetime, I have struggled with my weight. I have yo-yo'd back and forth. My closet has always included about 3 different sizes in clothing, because in a 3 week span I could either go up or down in any and all of those sizes. That's been my reality since I was a teen. People aren't always very nice to you when you're big either. The worst part is when its people close to you, be it family or friend. I'm going to give you a list of things that have been said to my face in my lifetime, and all of these have been said to me by either an immediate family member (meaning not some distant cousin) or a close friend. Here we go:
"You have such a pretty face." (Meaning the rest of me isn't worth commenting on.)
"If you would just lose weight you could be such a beautiful person."
"You have a great personality, if you could just lose weight to match it you would be the most desired girl around." (Said when I was still single.)
"You have such a round head, and its not helped by the fact that you're overweight."
"You're so fat, when you get married you're going to need to change in the dark or your husband will be revolted at the sight of you." (Dead serious, that was said to me when I was dating someone... talk about emotional scars, huh?)
There were many, many more than this throughout my life... but this gives you the general idea. The sad thing is that most of these aren't even considered "ridicule". These were almost all said in what was supposed to be a concerned and caring tone. But seriously, come on. Its like a backhanded compliment. It's said to sound nice, but you know that in reality its nothing even close. How would you like it if someone told you "You would look so much better if you just *fill in the blank*." It would make you pretty self-conscious about whatever that blank was.
So here I am. I'm overweight. I have learned how to dress for my figure. I don't wear skin-tight clothing.. I tend to avoid jersey material clothing because it clings. I sometimes buy a size larger than what I really need because clothes *may* shrink in the wash a little, or I may gain a pound or two after I buy them. I've learned. When most people find out how much I weigh, they're shocked. (No, I'm not gonna put it out here in the interwebs.. just... no.) So I guess I do a good job of hiding my weight. Plus I carry it relatively well. Over the last three years I've gained a pooch I didn't use to have, but I think it comes with the reason why I gained weight over the last three years to begin with (fertility hormones... different post for a different time). But other than that pooch, my weight has always been distributed very evenly.
Anyways, the reason I wrote this blog. It's actually been about 2 years in the making. See, after we got married, I started making strides to change my lifestyle. Slow changes, nothing incredibly erratic. Altering the kind of foods we buy.. making smarter choices in where we eat out... changing the way I cook and what I cook with.. Just small changes that have been adding up over time. For a short-lived period, we had a gym membership and worked out regularly (until I overdid it and gave myself an injury that just threw me off track.. and I never really got back into "gym" workouts after that). Anyways, a gentleman I've known for nearly ten years said something to me about 2 years ago while I was at church. It sparked this train of thought, and I wondered just how many people think like he did... I say "did", because I think I changed his mind after we talked a little bit. Here's what he said:
"I'm so glad to see you losing weight! I've been worried about you all this time. I know you always have a smile on your face, but I just felt like underneath you really couldn't be happy, not being as big as you were. I don't think big people can really be happy, not with the problems they have to face in life because of their size."
I was a bit taken aback with that. I mean, really??? Because I'm bigger I can't be happy?? Because I'm big, I've gotta be sad inside? If this is how you feel then..... Ok. Let's debunk this right here, right now. I'm a Christian. My joy, my happiness.. its not found in how I look. It's not found in what I wear, or the size of what I wear... its not found in anything material. My joy is in the Lord, and Him alone. Does He want me to be miserable and focus only on the parts of me that get me down? No! I am confident that so long as I am healthy (can be physically active for decently long periods without getting short of breath, can run for at least a half mile [ya know, in case I'm ever running from a boogey man], don't have any health problems and can pass a physical, minus the BMI chart thing), He doesn't care what my physical body looks like.
Don't get me wrong. Because yes, I have struggled with being content with myself. Not because God placed those feelings in me, but rather Satan used the words of those closest to me in my formative years to play on my emotions and self esteem. It's taken nearly 4 years of marriage for me to believe that a man finds me attractive. And I'm not gonna lie, I don't always see why my husband is as attracted to me as he is. But I don't put on a fake smile because of it! I know that my husband loves me, I know that he is attracted to me, and I'm quite confident that he is sexually satisfied (sorry Mom for the TMI!). I also know that I'm a great friend. I have friends of all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds... and I know that they all know they can come to me with anything, at any time. I know that I'm going to be a great mom. I have worked with kids most of my adult life in some shape and fashion. I still work as often as I can in our church nursery, and I can get down on the ground, chase kids around, squat to meet eye level with no problem at all. I'm a happy, satisfied, loved woman. I just happen to wear a larger clothing size than you do. That's all there is to it.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not roaring about how I'm big and I'm gonna stay big and you just need to deal... Not in the slightest. I'm actually using Plexus slim and its been helping me get healthier over time. My life, my HEALTH, is a marathon, not a sprint. If it changes fast, its more likely to change back just as fast. If weight changes slowly over time, its more likely to stay off. So I'm going for the long run. If that means I only lose 15 pounds a year, then so be it.
So. In closing! (Yes, this rather bouncy blog is finally coming to an end!) If you know someone who is big... be it a coworker, a church member, a family member, or a friend.. Love them. Encourage them. Point out their positives and tell them they're loved and they're appreciated for exactly who they are. Make sure that you don't add to whatever emotional baggage they already have. Let them know they're loved and accepted just the way they are, warts and all. It very well could be a life changing moment for them... and for you as well.
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